I've post in my LJ way too many times tonight, but I need to get this out.

I feel so fucked up.... so messed up.... so jumbled and blurred. Too many feelings at once.

Fear and nostalgia and love and longing and pain and grief and dread and despair and.....

Love

Love, the root of my every problem now, it seems.

Love and my Age.

If only they would lie down and sleep and let me live my life.

I love so much. I love too much. I love you and you and you and you, and I don't want to.

I'm so tired of pain.

I'm so tired of longing.

And fear.

And tears.

And this lump in my throat.

And this hole in my chest.

And life.

Death will free me.

Death will bring me to God.

God doesn't change.

God doesn't leave.

God's love is perfect.

I need to go to Him.